making my own coffee as a form of gta money glitch

you think it’s expensive, until it isn’ta livin’ post4 min read

I will give one ex­cep­tion to the rule I’m about to make, which is that you may likely be in sit­u­a­tions wherein you have to like, or­der at a cafe, be­cause you need some­where to sit while you talk with friends, or write, or code or what­ever. In that case, you’re tech­ni­cally just pay­ing five bucks for the right to sit in a pri­vate es­tab­lish­ment, be­cause pub­lic spaces aren’t real and so­ci­ety is crum­bling and so on. I will not talk shit about that.

Exception suc­cess­fully made. It’s now time to be provoca­tive:

Should you have the abil­ity and time to make it your­self, you should prob­a­bly stop or­der­ing cof­fee.

No, like, for real. If you’re like me, you prob­a­bly get a cup from a nice cafe, so it’s not go­ing to be cheap. I’m talk­ing like, big-ass 16oz deals, from 7-8 dol­lars a day… mean­ing, when added up for every day, hun­dreds of dol­lars a month. That’s im­por­tant, be­cause if you were like my dumb ass, once upon a time, you could tell your­self that you should only do that, be­cause you can’t af­ford to make cof­fee cor­rectly.

Except, no? No, ac­tu­ally, if you do the math, you might only be able to af­ford do­ing that!

A good hand grinder Link to foot­note 1 is any­where from 80-100 bucks. A dig­i­tal scale good enough to tell you when you’ve put in the cor­rect amount of wa­ter is 20 bucks, and the ket­tle you’d be pour­ing wa­ter from is an­other 80. The nicest cof­fee you can get lo­cally will usu­ally be around 15-20 bucks, and the ac­tual thing you use to make the cof­fee can be as lit­tle as 15 dol­lars. That sounds like a lot of money al­to­gether, be­fore you re­mem­ber that with the sole ex­cep­tion of the cof­fee and what­ever fil­ters you use, all of those things I just men­tioned are one-time pur­chases, with some cof­fee mak­ers like the Chemex be­ing so per­ma­nent, you can prob­a­bly give them to your kid, once you’re old and made of dust or what­not.

It’s re­ally cheap! That’s kind of why smug cof­fee peo­ple get to be so smug in the first place; you can dump hun­dreds into a good cof­fee setup, and it’ll still pay for it­self very, very quickly.

I’m not even par­tic­u­larly good at mak­ing cof­fee. I use an Aeropress, be­cause Aeropress fil­ters cost lit­eral cents per serv­ing, and they’re de­signed to be nearly id­iot-proof. I, uh, prob­a­bly should have got­ten the Aeropress Go, since it has an even smaller like­li­hood of me, say, ac­ci­den­tally slip­ping off the mug I’m press­ing into, but it does work and it is cheap. That I can, from time to time, make le­git­i­mately good cof­fee is nice, and be­ing able to get my own cof­fee beans to do it with means I’ve got­ten a huge re­spect for ex­tremely light-roasted cof­fee, but that’s not why I do it. I do it so that, when I see a big, dumb pair of grandma glasses, Link to foot­note 2 I can go and I can or­der the grandma glasses, and my wal­let can’t stop me by not hav­ing money in it.

Think of all the dumb shit you could be hav­ing right now, that you don’t have, be­cause you tell your­self it’d be ir­re­spon­si­ble, or what­ever. Be re­spon­si­ble with mak­ing stuff you in­gest in your day-to-day life, and then, no­body can stop you.

  1. An elec­tric grinder that’s good enough is around 100-300 bucks, un­less you’re an espresso kind of per­son… but if you are, you’re al­ready spend­ing like ten bil­lion dol­lars, so buy­ing an ex­pen­sive grinder to go with it’s your prob­lem. I have never used any­thing from Baratza, but even their cheap­est elec­tric grinders are re­pairable enough to ef­fec­tively last for­ever, so I imag­ine spend­ing the 150 or so on an Encore would be the play.

    Either way, you want a good burr grinder; if you spend hun­dreds of dol­lars on every­thing but the grinder, and then just get a glo­ri­fied food proces­sor, your ex­pen­sive setup is go­ing to have a sim­i­lar qual­ity to, like, No-Name in­stant cof­fee. Return to ar­ti­cle via foot­note 1

  2. I will up­date this part later with pic­tures of them when I get them, but look. You’ve gotta trust me. They’re GOOD and CUTE and DON’T ASK ME HOW MUCH I’M PAYING TO GET THEM FROM AN AMERICAN STORE and— Return to ar­ti­cle via foot­note 2 by nomiti ityool 2024
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